blank

Being in San Francisco makes me want to paint on city walls. Feeling lucky to have inspiring ladies in my life! xo

destruction phase

Coincides with the start of burning man. This should be interesting...... oh so excited! xo

wire wire fire

I 'm packing today, and paying more than the usual attention to what I bring. More importantly, what am I brave enough to leave behind? HMMMMMMMMMMMM.. ox

I appreciate......

Angie-mama for loving toughness, petticoats and this photo. xo

talk

is cheap. xo

bear totem

Caution, Healing, Leadership

The power of the Bear totem
is the power of introspection.
The answers to all our questions
lie within us.
Each of us has the capacity to quiet the mind,
enter the silence and know. 

Just as the bear hibernates during the winter,
people with a Bear totem will be quieter
during the winter months.  But they
must awaken in the spring and seek
whatever opportunities are around them.

When you have a Bear totem,
you are being guided to a leadership role.
You must be fearless in defending your beliefs.

The Bear also encourages you to exercise
your abilities as a natural healer.

I found a huge stuffed polar bear at my favorite thrift shop, ripe for costume possibilities. Perhaps a bit of bear medicine for burning man? xo

secret pocket

I've spent the cool morning hours sewing a secret pocket into my fuzzy jacket. What secrets will I keep there, I wonder?

Burning man approaches.... I am relishing in the anticipation and catching myself in worn habits and attempts at control before I delve too deep. What surprises will this year bring? I'm thoroughly enjoying the element of mystery and lack of planning or predicting.  Forget radical self-reliance, I need to practice vulnerability. xo

letters to the universe

About a year ago I began writing to the universe. It's become my way of prayer and celebration, of putting my hopes out there to become truth. The ways in which my wishes have manifested themselves have consistently surpassed my wildest expectations. I have learned that you really do get what you ask for, and whether the power lies in the asking or in some kind of divine pattern is inconsequential. Today I am amused at my fear. Luckily I know that the only way out is through and bigger risks lead to bigger rewards. These are the challenges that will help me grow. I feel kind of like a baby bird, peering over the edge of the nest and stretching my wings in anticipation. Onward! xo

the brink

from the Language Change, by Kevin Hooyman

Last week I helped a friend set up a tipi, his mother's project. It was tearful, precarious and ripe with symbolism. Something to do with volcanos... xo

the pendulum effect

Yet another trip to seattle and portland, reunions with good friends, and some late night river gorge ledge creeping. The second impromptu camping trip in the past 2 weeks, just off exit 41; I got to be a woodland sprite for another day, barefooted and wild-eyed with a song in my ears. Played with getting off-balance and bouldering over cold water. Metaphors of raging waterfalls and deep river pools. And to think I used to worry about going off the deep end! Struggling a bit with sugar, transition, balancing friendships and feeling some anxiety about the impending move. Been noticing this pendulum swinging fast fast fast these days, whew! Countdown to burning man..... xxx  

discombobulation

yesterday and today: crampyitchyweepfest
the previous day: 60 scrabble points for 'jugs'

despite this resurgence of symptoms and emotional outpourings, I am finding silly words amusing. I've been thinking about doubt, and how the greatest gift we can give our friends and family is unconditional support. I hope to remember this when I'm a mother. xo

for the skeptics

Some notes I jotted down on the powers of obsidian.

obsidian for hypersensitivity, excellent for blocking energy.  great companion for transition.  helps to let go of old loves.  a catalyst for connecting deeper within and going into silence.  nurturing in periods of change and transformation.  relieves worry, anxiety fear and negativity.  facilitates the journey inward.  helps to get you back on track or start up when you get stuck. to be used consciously for speedy evolution. relieves the emotional turmoil that occurs in times of change.  corresponds to base, causal, crown, heart and solar plexus chakras. provides a shield against negativity, needs to be cleaned often. when working with obsidian nothing is hidden and we are compelled to grow. obsidian is a talking stone, hold a piece over your ear and listen.  connects you to your shadow side.  negative energies are magnified so they can be fully experienced.  Use with care.  Place under pillow to draw out mental stress.  It can bring up the reason for stress, can lead to nightmares.  symbolizes self control. will bring out the warrior spirit in you. can help you rediscover forgotten abilities within yourself.  acts as a mirror to reveal flaws and insight to dealing with flaws. can assist in communication with the spirit world.  look into a shiny piece in low light to see images or pick up vibrations.  stimulates the gift of prophecy. place on the third eye to ask about past life issues.  Ask aloud and listen for answers. scorpio birthstone. helps sharpen eyesight.  unsuitable for children!

All of this seemed very far-fetched at the time. However, in the spirit of believing at least six impossible things before breakfast, I've been exploring the absurd and finding new tools. xo

question

How can you regret a decision from which you learned something? xo

transformation

Almost fully healed!  Suzy did an incredible job on my coverup golden beet dude. I even love the fact that if you look closely, you can see the faintest memory of a moon in the stem. Of course I'm already thinking about what's next and how to turn this body of mine into a garden. Also? Loving my newly thrifted moccasins. xo

tools

abound. From obsidian, sage smudges, scissors and breath to the people in my life I'm learning to use what comes to me. I hope to be more specific about this in the future. xo

moving towards sensation

shark by brian gilbert

A lucid dream last month in which fear took the form of a great white shark. As I faced it and dove forward into it's great red mouth my anxieties melted away into warmth.

A line from yoga yesterday about transformation through exploration.

Jealousy, sadness and fear of repeating the past.

xo

scrap shapes

Like a child who is more interested in the box the present came in than the present itself.... I've found myself enchanted by remnants and byproducts.

This is a very interesting time in my life. Unemployed, unencumbered, and financially stable for now... I have to summon up great trust in myself that these things I'm doing will pay off, as a collection of tributaries meanders towards union. Is summer a time of extreme growth for anyone else? I wonder. xo

guiltless mad men

marathon. Love the power play. xo

plan vs. commitment

A distinction worth pondering this fine desert morning. I would say to plan honors an outcome where a commitment is born of values. Hmmmmmmmm........... xo

aha!

Post yoga revelation about the relationship between these old house photos, my quest for structure, and the beauty of a strong foundation. How am building my self-house? xo

bermuda triangle continued

This video, this man, his mom, outpourings, exploration, truths, ironies, and purest expression have been instrumental in the past week. WHOA. xo

core strengthening

cross mountain meditation (persist)
mint chip discomfort (resist)
a book today (transform)
afternoon vinyasa (expand)

And the rest is to the wind.
Have I mentioned how wonderful life is?
xo

HMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM

sweaty
bills blech
fruit salad?

xo