the latest

I am on a mission with jane, we have to rescue someone from prison. There are some other groups of friends around following a similar trajectory. Our quest takes us to the lakeside campus where I try to act cool, and relevant, nodding my head at kids and wondering if I should remember them. Jane and I are in a hallway near the gym, she is rooting through a garbage can in search of food. She pulls out some half eaten apple cores and I am embarrassed, try to make her stop. Tommy Wallach is there and I ask about his new book.

We make our way to a dilapidated prison behind the gym, it has an old world dungeon feel and is dank and cool. The entrance is open, yet guarded by coconut crabs and kittens. They are all over the floor. I try to pick a crab up and it curls around a nips at my clothes. I shake it off and Jane darts into the darkness. We find our rescue mission, a thin man with a long beard and get him out of there. On the way back I feel something rough on my tooth, and ask jane what it is. She says it's a stain and I hide my teeth, scrubbing at it with my tongue. I want to smile but don't want to reveal the impurity. My teeth start to loosen and I hold my mouth shut to keep them in place, worried that they are all falling out. We run into henry and he thanks me for showing him that life is a magical mystery tour. I keep my lips closed and continue.

Suddenly I am looking into my own mouth as if it's a huge red cave. I see a second layer of teeth in the back, a second story level and all sorts of strange caves and tunnels. There's a thick scum of foam covering the floor.

dreamworld!

Dream

I am in line for an initiation ceremony where I will be buried alive for an unknown amount of time. I climb into the casket which is buried 6 feet below, but I do not want them to fill the hole with dirt, I am afraid of having a panic attack. I have recently been scuba diving and was rusty about using the air hose. So I am in the casket and it's dark and suffocating, I climb out to go pee and face some disapproving looks, like I am not truly committing to the process. I rationalize that I am making an okay decision, being completely buried just isn't safe. I convince myself that merely being in the closed casket in the dark is a good enough initiation. I sheepishly get back in and blow all the candles out to prove that I am committing, I am. 

Am I?

xo

Super moon

I have been away for exactly 6 months today, moonwise that is. So much has happened! Wow.

xo

dreamed

I clung to a precipice, supported by a friend. This after facing vertical asphalt hills in my car. HMM

In the last two weeks

I was made a shaman, dreamed of herbs and ran into a lovely friend whose handwriting I admire. For two days I have been drinking hot mushroom tea and cold marshmallow infusions. xo

tattooesday

Well it's actually Wednesday, but I have had tattoos on the brain for many many months. The whale of my dreams is taking form on my back, a bigger endeavor than I had realized! Five hours of ink and it is not nearly done. I am so freaking eager to see it finished, while trying to be patient and enjoy the process. Ahh whale you teach me so much.

I am thinking about getting a hawk wing on my right forearm, unless I decide to spruce up my little dino instead. 

I want a mandala on my thigh.

I want I want I want.

xo

list

It doesn't take much to make me feel accomplished. Creating pretty things is a shoo in! 

xo

source?

I am beginning to notice a the following pattern; about once a year around springtime, I injure myself doing something totally mundane and ordinary. Examples? Holding a baby. A relaxed day hike. And most recently? SLEEPING. On what was supposed to be a ski and yoga filled visit to Bend, I awoke one morning with a badly swollen wrist and no good reason. Four days later and I am still popping Advil like candy, indulging in self-pity and wondering, what is the deal? WHAT DOES IT MEAN? And when will it get better? I can't even clip my fingernails without crying. Sheesh. 

Also, for the past 3 nights I have dreamed about cats, specifically sick cats who need my help. Too many sick kitties and I can't help them all. 

Meow.

xo

whirlwind

The service was lovely, the relatives overwhelming and Grampy dressed up like a mobster for some much needed laughs. I spent time exploring old treasures in the new house, and looking at photos. 

Also?

A dream about one of Grammy's hand painted palekh boxes; I was allowed to choose one and I picked green.

It was filled with broken glass and blood.

Analyze THAT.

xo

yes please

depravity

never sounded so sweet. xo

an apartment in my heart

I dreamed you lived there, tiny. Well hello! xo

#19

Made a dreamcatcher today. I used a thrifted lace doily, a gifted owl feather and turkey feather I found. The yarn came from arctic lynx. So pretty, I hope it works! xo

last monday night

We all dreamed of past loves. I wonder if anyone else did too? xo

today

In a dream, I reached into my hair and pulled out a three foot dread, as thick as my wrist. It stuck out from my head like an antennae, and I was thrilled! xo

this morning

I dreamed I was a ring in a cedar tree, and awoke quite startled. xo

took only pictures

left only footprints. And I am back from my soul searching solo on the bluff. In truth, I took three things and left a charcoal message and an arrangement in bones. I spent my time listening and searching. I heard raven croaks, eagle scries, wind whistling and some party noises from across the bay. I sang a song to a skeleton I pulled from the earth. I climbed a madrona tree and took refuge between a rock and a hard place. I faced fear over falling branches and snowy weather. I wrote a story about treasure hunting, a letter to Scott's mom and jotted notes on an ailing ogre princess and her matte-eyed marshy husband. When dusk fell early I retired to my tent and learned how staying warm was activity in itself. When sleep came, I dreamed of the mundane ordinary, and fantastical heights. 

Floating skyward on a sheet, I let go of something precious, beautiful. Lunging, grasping, I wavered on soft edges. A steady voice called out. And then? I sat back. And I watched those bright orbs and twisted strands wander, unfettered, through the clouds.

xo

a list

for yin bluff

wool and down

tent and tarp

sleeping bag and mat

pen and paper

pocket knife

backpack

obsidian for dreaming

smudge for burning

water for drinking

things to clean skin and teeth

gumboots

flashlight

p cord

open eyes ears heart

curiosity

I do not plan to eat, read or make fire

for at least 3 days.

I will bring some food

just in case.

I anticipate 

sleeping 

a 

Lot

and 

being 

cold.

I hope it all fits in.

Oh boy!

xo

kitty dreams

meow. xx

Snake

Visited me in dreamland last night, rising ominously from the depths (and I was frightened, thrilled).

Snake brings the medicine of transmutation, transformation and healing.

xo