Dream

I am in line for an initiation ceremony where I will be buried alive for an unknown amount of time. I climb into the casket which is buried 6 feet below, but I do not want them to fill the hole with dirt, I am afraid of having a panic attack. I have recently been scuba diving and was rusty about using the air hose. So I am in the casket and it's dark and suffocating, I climb out to go pee and face some disapproving looks, like I am not truly committing to the process. I rationalize that I am making an okay decision, being completely buried just isn't safe. I convince myself that merely being in the closed casket in the dark is a good enough initiation. I sheepishly get back in and blow all the candles out to prove that I am committing, I am. 

Am I?

xo

Organization

Of my art.

Photojournal

Portraits

Fairy tale

Still life

Memoir

Collage

How do the pieces fit together?

xo

Is travel

Ever what we thought it would be? And isn't that the point? I am falling in love with this experience.

xo

did everyone

survive the apocalypse?

xo

foreshadow

"I have learned that physical suffering is the most endurable."

How are you now?

xo

I'm the kind of person who...

(fill in the blanks)

xo

Who is bipolar bear frog prince?

I feel like I have been on a great big adventure for the past two years, ever since I lost my job, began seasonal work, festivals and car living, and met this character (among others). I think I am collecting chapters for a story. xo

did I mention

That I turned 30? 

I wonder what good habits I can bring into the new decade.

xo

damn

What am I most excited about these days? Taking pictures of my friends. xo

anticipation

ain't she sweet? xo

sometimes I feel

Like an antlered, prancing creature. What about you? xo

fairytale living

continues. 

Could it be contagious? 

xo

source?

I am beginning to notice a the following pattern; about once a year around springtime, I injure myself doing something totally mundane and ordinary. Examples? Holding a baby. A relaxed day hike. And most recently? SLEEPING. On what was supposed to be a ski and yoga filled visit to Bend, I awoke one morning with a badly swollen wrist and no good reason. Four days later and I am still popping Advil like candy, indulging in self-pity and wondering, what is the deal? WHAT DOES IT MEAN? And when will it get better? I can't even clip my fingernails without crying. Sheesh. 

Also, for the past 3 nights I have dreamed about cats, specifically sick cats who need my help. Too many sick kitties and I can't help them all. 

Meow.

xo

whirlwind

The service was lovely, the relatives overwhelming and Grampy dressed up like a mobster for some much needed laughs. I spent time exploring old treasures in the new house, and looking at photos. 

Also?

A dream about one of Grammy's hand painted palekh boxes; I was allowed to choose one and I picked green.

It was filled with broken glass and blood.

Analyze THAT.

xo

what is next?

I wonder. Trying to keep my schedule devoid of plans is trying me these days. I didn't realize how tightly I cling to future ventures. So where does that leave me? With what is NOW!! xo

woke up

to mysterious piano chords. Where are they coming from? xo 

last monday night

We all dreamed of past loves. I wonder if anyone else did too? xo

breakfast

Salt is the secret to good oatmeal. Did you know?

xo

Does anyone

else love graveyards as much as I do? Greeni and I stumbled across one last January 9th and took a quiet look. First headstone we read? It belonged to Olivia, and it was her birthday. So we toasted to her all night. xo

I am

aware of being a seasonal creature. In the winter I am sedate. I sleep long, drink coffee and gain weight. Best of all? I'm learning to savor this.

How do you change?

xo