Super moon

I have been away for exactly 6 months today, moonwise that is. So much has happened! Wow.

xo

for manifesting!

a home

a project

health

these are the things I want so so much.

xo

this time

Is special, according to some. We are approaching the winter solstice, which can be seen as the beginning of a new year. A Mayan cycle is ending, and from what I have heard; this is a time for letting things go and manifesting future glory! Combined with the consumer Christmas season, what a powerful paradox, right? Everywhere that I look are messages telling me to change this and buy that. 

What I want most of all to leave behind is this urge to consume. From what I put in my body to what I put on my bank card, I have a sneaky feeling that most of it is a big fat waste. What wolf am I feeding anyways?

I would like to create, and make do. I would like for the output to equal the input. That is all, please. :)

xo

did I mention

That I turned 30? 

I wonder what good habits I can bring into the new decade.

xo

today

Sometimes when looking back, I feel regret over mere aspects of the bigger picture: parts of my life that seemed better then. A year ago today I had just begun a ballsy assault on yeast, a strict spring cleansing routine of no sugar, wheat, alcohol or social life. No, I would not choose to go back. xo

2011: a year for....

Skiing 

Exploration

Freedom

Meditation

Yoga

Creativity

Kittens

Experimentation

Root veggies

Intention

Metaphysics

Symbolism

Flow

Haircuts

Changing course

Clearing out

Communication

Balance

And that about wraps it up.

xo

everything looks cool

I'll probably be over the novelty of the hipstamatic soon... 

Breakfast started off relaxed and with a surprise jab in a tender spot things turned sharp. It had something to do with that gotye video, and the illumination of pain. We emotionally charged into the muck and found a phantom limb, over ten years old and laced with red. It was once mine...

(I didn't know it was still hers)

xo

The Tower

reminds me to celebrate change, also warns of an upset. I've been drawing mostly major arcana cards in the past few weeks. HMMMMMM.... I wish for the wisdom of the tarot to reveal itself to me, please! xo 

gotye

This song cuts to my core, in the best way. xo

aha!

Post yoga revelation about the relationship between these old house photos, my quest for structure, and the beauty of a strong foundation. How am building my self-house? xo

reunited

I've been poring over photo albums, recently acquired since my grandma's death earlier this month.  I especially love this photo of my grandparents in their northwest finery. Family is an eternal puzzle, one that confounds me daily. These past days at my parent's house have been trying, par for the course. I am overwhelmed. I am ready for desert space. xo

details from the stoop

I've been really enjoying the front steps lately, especially with tea and morning sun.  It's not quite a porch, but it works for me. I like to think that living in an apartment has been good for my self consciousness.

Somehow managed to stay up all night Sunday puttering around with various projects.  I couldn't sleep so I instead watched a movie about sleep in which a man's dreamtime blurs with reality.  It was a surreal night. I did some sun salutations to welcome the first faint glow over the horizon, and went out for a much anticipated bloody mary. Bend was in rare form yesterday for the 4th, freedom bikers and river floaters and dogs in hoards! Sunburns, grass yoga, beet pasta, rooftop fireworks and night time sprinkler running all happened, and I powered it out late. There's a certain joy I get from going without sleep and watching night illuminate into day. Things are changing fast these days.

So tomorrow I'm off to a 10 day vipassana meditation retreat. It's something I've wanted to do for a while, and what better time than now? I'm nervous about the long hours of sitting, and the 4am wakeup bell. I'm curious as to where my mind will go. I'm hoping to gain self-discipline and have experiences that I don't understand. I'm also looking forward to being around some ladies, it's been a lot of dude time lately.

Here I go!

xo

the quest for the horizon departs

After some luminous adventuring to the oregon coast, olympic peninsula, portland and seattle it feels good to be home, while this is still home. There's nothing like anticipating change to feed appreciation for the now. Pondering how to stay rooted while on the move. Filling my days with the mundane and mindless, sweeping dust out of the corners and taking my sweet time. Preparing for flight and great depths. xo

living ferociously

Finding refreshment in the unpredictability of things. I've tossed planning and predicting to the wind and am spending time preparing instead. For what though? xo  

and so I studied the sea, held on to my rock

Have you ever met someone Truly Powerful?  

Consider me awestruck, mistrustful and already wildly expanded.

xo

dear mornings

Thank you for sunlight through my bedroom window and the promise of things to come. xo

evidence

Of...

organization gone right

flow

surprise creativity

condensation

form and function

room for improvement

A big theme for me in the past few years has been of letting go.  I've also become increasingly dismayed with the amount of STUFF I have, from clothing to craft supplies to food.  The weight of all this excess gets heavier with time, and the frequency with which I move (4 homes in the past year!)  It's one of those situations where I have to constantly remind myself to keep plugging away at the little things, and one day I will see change in a big way.  

So the other night I decided to tackle my drawing supplies.  Pens, pencils, charcoal, paints, pastels and crayons have all lived in a vintage sewing box with the initials M.E.K. for years and years.  During the process of sorting and testing, and moving them into a ziplock, Erika wandered in, wondering if I was moving out.

"just moving my pens" I told her, to much amusement.

Once freed up, M.E.K (too darling to send to the goodwill) seemed to be the perfect place to house my sewing supplies.  In this chapter I re-discovered some remnants of wool and you might see where this is leading.  It's rough and hand sewed, passably functional and a lovely manifestation of that creature change.  I also liberated the cheap sewing box I never really liked.   

For anyone who has seen the show Hoarders, or who has made an impulse buy, you know that getting rid of things is only a temporary solution.  The real work is in changing the process, recognizing the fleeting invite of newness, and looking within, instead.

xo

              

   

the squiggle game

I discovered these napkin doodles last night while doing some cleaning, remnants of a airline squiggle game to maine or thailand I think.  A favorite way to pass time, the game is simple: draw a squiggle and a friend turns it into a picture; whimsical beasties encouraged. xo 

dream kitty

In playing with lucid dream techniques, I've been especially drawn to Tibetan dream yoga.  Within this spiritual practice, one must come to terms with the fact that "all things are of the substance of dreams" until attachments are shed and the transition from the waking world to the dreaming world becomes seamless.  We can practice daily by labeling our waking world in dream terms..... xo   

old growth new growth

 stacks and rows

tomatillo bean sprout wakame breakfast

Today I have been processing a year high stack of journals, last spring to this spring and everything in between.  I kind of feel like an archaeologist unearthing secrets to my own life.  xo