the latest

I am on a mission with jane, we have to rescue someone from prison. There are some other groups of friends around following a similar trajectory. Our quest takes us to the lakeside campus where I try to act cool, and relevant, nodding my head at kids and wondering if I should remember them. Jane and I are in a hallway near the gym, she is rooting through a garbage can in search of food. She pulls out some half eaten apple cores and I am embarrassed, try to make her stop. Tommy Wallach is there and I ask about his new book.

We make our way to a dilapidated prison behind the gym, it has an old world dungeon feel and is dank and cool. The entrance is open, yet guarded by coconut crabs and kittens. They are all over the floor. I try to pick a crab up and it curls around a nips at my clothes. I shake it off and Jane darts into the darkness. We find our rescue mission, a thin man with a long beard and get him out of there. On the way back I feel something rough on my tooth, and ask jane what it is. She says it's a stain and I hide my teeth, scrubbing at it with my tongue. I want to smile but don't want to reveal the impurity. My teeth start to loosen and I hold my mouth shut to keep them in place, worried that they are all falling out. We run into henry and he thanks me for showing him that life is a magical mystery tour. I keep my lips closed and continue.

Suddenly I am looking into my own mouth as if it's a huge red cave. I see a second layer of teeth in the back, a second story level and all sorts of strange caves and tunnels. There's a thick scum of foam covering the floor.

dreamworld!

keywords

for the coming year

van plans
cleanse
practice
complete
income
sustain
balance
wilderness
explore more
collaborate
art
write

many moons

since I last posted, and what of it?

Reading over my words here, I wonder at how far I've come.

I have my home on wheels, my nesting place, my anchor. I am making plans for the coming year, travel art and craft. Plans for mexico and black rock city and new corners of this big beautiful planet.

(Life expands forth)

And India? Can I be moving farther and closer at the same time?

This is the circular nature of things.

What a TRIP

xo

dreamspaces

I am climbing a familiar mountain, I have been here before.  This mountain exists only in dreamtime, but I have climbed it many times, I am well versed in it's trails.  I can see the rise of snow approaching, I know the difficult part is just around the corner.  We stop for the night and Ali is there, he makes some phone calls and anticipates a delay. I am annoyed, I want to continue climbing. I want to arrive at the cold and snowy peak.

I am in an underground network of wet tunnels with my camera.  There is a set of metal stairs and a tiger coming down. I try and photograph the tiger without being seen, and then retreat to safety down a long tube. The tiger senses me and begins to run and so do I. 

Dream

I am in line for an initiation ceremony where I will be buried alive for an unknown amount of time. I climb into the casket which is buried 6 feet below, but I do not want them to fill the hole with dirt, I am afraid of having a panic attack. I have recently been scuba diving and was rusty about using the air hose. So I am in the casket and it's dark and suffocating, I climb out to go pee and face some disapproving looks, like I am not truly committing to the process. I rationalize that I am making an okay decision, being completely buried just isn't safe. I convince myself that merely being in the closed casket in the dark is a good enough initiation. I sheepishly get back in and blow all the candles out to prove that I am committing, I am. 

Am I?

xo

perfection

in a snack.

Classic

I started smoking cigarettes a little bit when I was in India, mostly just as a social thing and for the novelty of an easy buzz. For once I wanted to join in the process, the sharing, the scrounging, the excuse for a breather. Plus, cigarettes are cheap and sexy. I decided to see what it was all about.

And then I came to Nepal where I began eyeing the death sticks from afar, waffling on if I should get a pack, guilt tripping myself into abstaining. Well I finally bought some and smoked two. The first one gave me a buzz and the second one made me downright queasy, dizzy and sick as a dog. And now I can't even look at the damn pack. Go figure. 

xo

31

Three years ago today, while camping with my parents I had my first lucid dream.

Two years ago I was vipassana meditating 10 hours a day and hadn't spoken in a week.

Last year I was acid tripping in a wicker dragon with a tiny fairy child, naked singing hallelujah with strangers dripping sauna sweat.

This year I am alone but not lonely across the globe in Nepal. 

Summer birthdays are the best.

xo

Reiki

Led me to yet another energy healing modality called "the emotion code" which I am so stoked to try! When I think of all the fun trapped emotions that are lurking in my body just waiting patiently to be released... Oh boy, hours of fun :) All I need is a magnet and some trust in the process. 

Since I began reiki 2, my intention has been on shedding the layers. And now I have a tool with which to do so. Thank you universe. 

xo

Home thoughts

I am getting better at finding homes wherever I go. In fact, it is kind of incredible that though I have been traveling for half a year, I have stayed on only a few hotel rooms. I have had access to kitchens and rooftops and I have even been allowed to paint the walls. BUT... I have also had to share these spaces with some very dominating people. People who lock the fridge and hide the key, people who bust in my room at all hours of the night, people who have painfully shrill voices and quick tempers, people who tell me how to live my life.

The better I get at travel, the more I am craving a real home. I don't know if this means a tiny apartment in the city or a tipi in the forest, or even something on wheels. What I do know is that I want a space I can come home to. I want a space where I can cook what I want and sleep when I want fully inhabit. I want a place that I do not have to share. But where is that place? And how to I get to it? 

Time will tell. 

xo

Super moon

I have been away for exactly 6 months today, moonwise that is. So much has happened! Wow.

xo

Kathmandu

I have been getting a lot of validation from online sources these days, posting pics on tumblr and checking to see if anyone likes them. It is both motivation and a strange pressure for my picture taking process. 

My style is a bit sneakster, a covert operation. I like the honesty of a candid. As I walk around I see the world in frames, beautiful creased faces, bright colors, shapes and patterns and laughter in eyes. Sometimes my whole focus become pictures I am missing. It is an easy leap from there to self criticism, of my shyness, my introversion. Last week I began carrying this guilt around, as if the problem lay in my fear of asking.

So I made a challenge, to ask 10 people if I could take their picture. I had yet to ask this question in my 6 months of travel. So I went out with my mission, nervously, and noticed some really interesting things. Of the 4 adults I asked, 3 of them were behind something, like a metal gate or a glass window, as if I needed the illusion of separation to be comfortable. One person said no. All were shitty pictures. 

BUT, in the process of talking to one guy (a schoolteacher) I attracted bunch of kiddos which led into a ridiculous photo session of leaping shots and of laughing. The kids actually were the ones to ask me, but I count it anyways. It was exactly what I needed.

I realized that to get the kind of non-sneakster shot I love, I have to build a relationship with the person first. I need to be able to put them at ease so they are reacting not to the camera itself, but to the girl behind it. I can do this with kids and with friends. And with strangers if I am drunk. And that will have to do for now.

Simple pleasures

Of having a home.

xo

I am caught

In creative flow. I do not want to leave the house and face the busy streets and foreign stares. But I owe 10 rupees to the man who sells me cake. And it might be nice stretch my limbs. xo

Today

While attempting to savor my new book, I realized I have already read it and in fact already own it at home. Thankfully, it is a book worth savoring twice. xo

Today

I caught a genuine smile, bought a small book to savor, and found a clue towards Tibetan dream yoga: an author and title. xo

I have been attuned

Now may the Reiki flow in like water. 

xo

Triangles

I have been eating a lot of triangular food lately, mostly samosas and dosas.

xo

Flaubert

In lieu of real girlfriends here in India, I have been watching the tv series girls over and over. Yesterday, watching an episode one pep talking about the starving artist thing: "Flaubert did it, Elvis did it, mick jagger did it." I wondered with the vague sense that I should know, who is Flaubert? 

Later on at home, Ali had laid out all the books from the house on a coffee table. Our library! He said proudly. I picked up a leather bound book and opened it up. And what did I find?

Madame Bovary, by Flaubert: an answer from the universe.

xo

Organization

Of my art.

Photojournal

Portraits

Fairy tale

Still life

Memoir

Collage

How do the pieces fit together?

xo