31

Three years ago today, while camping with my parents I had my first lucid dream.

Two years ago I was vipassana meditating 10 hours a day and hadn't spoken in a week.

Last year I was acid tripping in a wicker dragon with a tiny fairy child, naked singing hallelujah with strangers dripping sauna sweat.

This year I am alone but not lonely across the globe in Nepal. 

Summer birthdays are the best.

xo

Organization

Of my art.

Photojournal

Portraits

Fairy tale

Still life

Memoir

Collage

How do the pieces fit together?

xo

practice

flash card

grapefruit seed extract

triple a batteries

socks

clear tape

pants?

(remembering last minute things)

xo

for manifesting!

a home

a project

health

these are the things I want so so much.

xo

Portland

Almost a week of photos and friends. xo

ideas for India...

Pinhole portraits

Long exposures

Nighttime

Blurred motion

Defensive shooting

Moonlight

In your face

Kiddos

Colors

Birds flocks

Perfect timing

Joyful moments

I now own two more cameras, a 35mm point and shoot and a classy wooden pinhole. Oh BOY! Also, I hope to expand my emotional portfolio. xo

notes

Shamandome

Steam bath

Monkey chanting

EFT

Human mandala?

(just some ideas)

xo

In the house

I am deciding on a new tent. Cy is studying for his mcat. May we both be wildly successfully! xo

list

It doesn't take much to make me feel accomplished. Creating pretty things is a shoo in! 

xo

things

Spring. Imminent x country adventure. Began writing my fairytale. Vaudeville Vancouver. Front lawn and roof parties. A job and a home. Family, friends, fights and forgiveness. xo

on the bright side

Made it safely to Seattle, driving one-handed over snowy Mt. hood pass. Consulted an enthusiastically talented Clio (April 24!!). Quick lunch with Rain in Portland. Hot drinks with Sammy, hot springs with Ang and hot damn, sir Amy is in town. Been meditating and aura watching. Green tea has gratefully replaced coffee. My favorite Yerba mate. Plants in my car. And tomorrow? I have a new home for one March month. xo

listful

mandala 

ozma

whale 

camera notes

bear

dino

crow

art deco

half sleeve

icon

Portland

xo

I have given myself permission

to be listless. What a word! (I doubt it will last long). xo

yet another list

of a few bad habits:

soy lattes
celebrity gossip
impulsive purchases
sweet and salty snacking
INUNDATION of INFORMATION
slacking on self care
sloppiness with finances
bugging my mom's cat
taking things personally
all or nothing mentality
inability to LET GO
need for control
lack of initiative
future tripping
running away
poor posture
daydreaming

and WORST OF ALL?

being way too freaking hard on myself.

xo

a list

for yin bluff

wool and down

tent and tarp

sleeping bag and mat

pen and paper

pocket knife

backpack

obsidian for dreaming

smudge for burning

water for drinking

things to clean skin and teeth

gumboots

flashlight

p cord

open eyes ears heart

curiosity

I do not plan to eat, read or make fire

for at least 3 days.

I will bring some food

just in case.

I anticipate 

sleeping 

a 

Lot

and 

being 

cold.

I hope it all fits in.

Oh boy!

xo

2011: a year for....

Skiing 

Exploration

Freedom

Meditation

Yoga

Creativity

Kittens

Experimentation

Root veggies

Intention

Metaphysics

Symbolism

Flow

Haircuts

Changing course

Clearing out

Communication

Balance

And that about wraps it up.

xo

afternoon light

And my new toy, a rose quartz dowsing pendulum. It reminds me of the star I made for dear Mr. Thomas when I was 12. The shape is called a merkaba, and I don't quite understand it.


So there you have it, yet another pretty tool for my toybox, a direct line from the wisdom of my body to the outside world that quite bypasses the hamster wheel.


xo

manifest!

I've been journaling steadily since junior high, which is about 17 years. Seventeen years, whoa! I still remember how that exalting jolt of freedom felt as I realized I could write... ANYTHING I WANTED. And so I wrote and wrote and wrote.

After trekking a hefty stack out to the temple last year, I gained a new appreciation for the weight of my words. I started a ceremony of burning those pages, but not before a final sift-through, a hopeful unearthing of patterns and gems amongst the soot.

Sometime several months ago I stopped keeping a journal completely. And this was a new kind of freedom; an experiment in honing my tools and clearing the field for new growth. It's been fun to see what themes have persisted, for I still write (about dreams and synchronicities and gratefuls, recipes and notes on the exquisite mundane).

And today I've got manifesting on the brain. For perhaps my favorite part of reading through old words has been watching my lists of wants turn into reality (and always in the most roundabout and unexpected of ways!)

So? In the spirit of putting it out there, here are some rough wants, options perhaps, for the next 6 months.

1. Work trade on a farm
2. A short term nanny gig
3. A cozily temporary cabin, loft, shack, tipi or room
4. Photography show
5. Learn carpentry or cobb house construction.
6. A reason and the means to go to India
7. Regular yoga and meditation
8. Visits with creatures
9. Sustainable candida freedom

I would gleefully live in an old barn

or in a tipsy tower

xo

brainstorm

yarnbombs
fairy tales
free reiki
art documentaries
amma
mandala a day

onward!

4 of wands
5 of cups
princess of swords
princess of swords
4 of swords
9 of cups
5 of wands
4 of swords

I am becoming familiar with the 4 of swords and it's reminder to take a break.

So we've finished at our first spot and most of the crew is headed north for another week or so. On my last day, the bright lights and constant chatter finally urged me outside where I should have been the whole time. I forget how sensitive I am, I was becoming borderline unhinged. What I realized at the award celebration last night? We all were.
xo