hmm...

I have to give myself some credit for breaking old patterns. Isn't that what growth is all about? 

Also, I like to think that since the solstice I have felt a flood of rawness, a glittery edge and unexpected flow. xo

home stretch

I have said most of my tearful goodbyes, Christmas is tomorrow and I leave for India the following day. I am considering a first stop at the dentist, it has been too long. xo

practice

flash card

grapefruit seed extract

triple a batteries

socks

clear tape

pants?

(remembering last minute things)

xo

Today

I found my anchor, not a plastic gold façade, but heavy metal, warm and round.

What is an anchor anyways? Something to nestle deep in the comfort mud, to withstand cold depths. A tool for grounding.

Hillary told me this would be important for my trip. She suggested Ganesh, the remover of obstacles. I decided to be more literal about it.

Digging through bins and buckets at the market, through bangles and pins and bits of light, there had to be an anchor there somewhere, maybe a pendant or a charm? My frustration grew like ivy.

I could ask someone for help, if I wasn't so afraid.

Desperately pawing, I need an anchor, I need an anchor....

And then, in the tray, I saw one! Bright gold in front of my eyes, I grabbed it greedily and my elation wavered. It was too light, no substance. And I had found it! And it was not my anchor. I wrestled with myself, and heart took the reins.

What is an anchor anyways?

To be used every day, when in need of a home.

xo

for manifesting!

a home

a project

health

these are the things I want so so much.

xo

did everyone

survive the apocalypse?

xo

consensus is....

we love our friends. xo

inadvertently avoiding the inevitable

while tending a finicky fire

and making reishi tea.

xo

another

Pinhole shot, from pioneer Henry Pittock's mansion in Portland. I was looking for the Japanese garden and ended up here instead. xo

a picture

From my pinhole camera.

 A 15 minute exposure! 

I like the dreaminess. 

xo

rich and warm

details from yet another fairy tale house. xo

this time

Is special, according to some. We are approaching the winter solstice, which can be seen as the beginning of a new year. A Mayan cycle is ending, and from what I have heard; this is a time for letting things go and manifesting future glory! Combined with the consumer Christmas season, what a powerful paradox, right? Everywhere that I look are messages telling me to change this and buy that. 

What I want most of all to leave behind is this urge to consume. From what I put in my body to what I put on my bank card, I have a sneaky feeling that most of it is a big fat waste. What wolf am I feeding anyways?

I would like to create, and make do. I would like for the output to equal the input. That is all, please. :)

xo

weirdly

Getting a big fat rejection actually feels kinda good, in a sharpish pin prick kind way. Why? Because with each no I receive, I am that much closer to another YES. 

Just keep swimming, just keep swimming.....

xo

Portland

Almost a week of photos and friends. xo

typical cosmic giggle

Looking for a classic "cult" point and shoot last week, I compiled a master wish list, perused every thrift shop I encountered, only to come home and find not one, but TWO in my dads own closet. I am absolutely swimming in cameras. xo

last night

I celebrated Rain's semester of brilliance by drinking bloody marys and slapping strangers who quickly became friends. xo

lens less

so purty

xo

ideas for India...

Pinhole portraits

Long exposures

Nighttime

Blurred motion

Defensive shooting

Moonlight

In your face

Kiddos

Colors

Birds flocks

Perfect timing

Joyful moments

I now own two more cameras, a 35mm point and shoot and a classy wooden pinhole. Oh BOY! Also, I hope to expand my emotional portfolio. xo

foreshadow

"I have learned that physical suffering is the most endurable."

How are you now?

xo

more and more

I am noticing parallels between me and this beautiful Kitty, my great grandmother. 

xo

I'm the kind of person who...

(fill in the blanks)

xo

to be honest

I'm a bit of a mess right now, as evidenced by my extreme drowsiness, weepiness and other things. It's mostly circumstantial, and a good opportunity for SOMETHING, I am sure. (I promise). xo

Who is bipolar bear frog prince?

I feel like I have been on a great big adventure for the past two years, ever since I lost my job, began seasonal work, festivals and car living, and met this character (among others). I think I am collecting chapters for a story. xo

soft spot

For kitties by windows. xo

Contemplating

Another long drive just to get some space, mostly emotional. xo

Oh the shame!

Of being a slap happy drunk. There is exactly one person who gets it :)

the little things

Blue suede shoes and polka dot pants. Today I was duped by anthropologies mirrors and found my new favorite amazing boots. xo