Flaubert

In lieu of real girlfriends here in India, I have been watching the tv series girls over and over. Yesterday, watching an episode one pep talking about the starving artist thing: "Flaubert did it, Elvis did it, mick jagger did it." I wondered with the vague sense that I should know, who is Flaubert? 

Later on at home, Ali had laid out all the books from the house on a coffee table. Our library! He said proudly. I picked up a leather bound book and opened it up. And what did I find?

Madame Bovary, by Flaubert: an answer from the universe.

xo

Today

I found my anchor, not a plastic gold façade, but heavy metal, warm and round.

What is an anchor anyways? Something to nestle deep in the comfort mud, to withstand cold depths. A tool for grounding.

Hillary told me this would be important for my trip. She suggested Ganesh, the remover of obstacles. I decided to be more literal about it.

Digging through bins and buckets at the market, through bangles and pins and bits of light, there had to be an anchor there somewhere, maybe a pendant or a charm? My frustration grew like ivy.

I could ask someone for help, if I wasn't so afraid.

Desperately pawing, I need an anchor, I need an anchor....

And then, in the tray, I saw one! Bright gold in front of my eyes, I grabbed it greedily and my elation wavered. It was too light, no substance. And I had found it! And it was not my anchor. I wrestled with myself, and heart took the reins.

What is an anchor anyways?

To be used every day, when in need of a home.

xo

another

Pinhole shot, from pioneer Henry Pittock's mansion in Portland. I was looking for the Japanese garden and ended up here instead. xo

Example

Last full moon I made a mandala. And then I moved into my new room, where said mandala uncannily matched the decor.....see?? These are the little things, that often blow my mind. xo

"Something unknown is doing we don't know what"

Well that explains a lot. xo

last monday night

We all dreamed of past loves. I wonder if anyone else did too? xo

free will

says to shed emotional baggage this week. I'm thinking yoga, acupuncture and hypnosis, all with ladies named Lisa?

Does anyone

else love graveyards as much as I do? Greeni and I stumbled across one last January 9th and took a quiet look. First headstone we read? It belonged to Olivia, and it was her birthday. So we toasted to her all night. xo

3 things in 3 days

I put a postcard out for Nicole (let's talk soon darling, it's been months). She called before the mail left.

I can't seem to reach Erika, I have tried and tried. Strangers have been calling me though, asking for Erika.

Exploring a lost closet, I found a picture of Tekia. A student of dads' over 20 years ago (I looked up to her). Last night, dad begins a story.... remember my student Tekia?

Cool.

xo

om namah shivaya

Day 1 of 40 trying out japa mala mantra meditation. Still buzzing from the pig roast night, running into my wonderful vipassana roommate (very serendipitous indeed), among other shenanigans. It was simply one of those nights that blasts expectations out of the water and reaffirms convictions such as.... "what goes around comes around". I've also been re-reading Eat Pray Love which has got me wanting to experiment with more-fun less-austere meditation styles. The mantra I chose rings true on my palate, I look forward to honoring my divine self in the coming weeks! xo

plucked from my dreams

 Skeleton lace leaves, a serendipitous gift from big sur. Free will warned me about this possibility (!) xo

A few weeks ago

I hit a drunk bum in the head with a football. He stepped in between me and Mikey, just as John was finishing his sentence; something something....."hit in the head". The ball skimmed off his skull right into Mikey's hands and we all laughed at the coincidence of it all. No one likes being laughed at, especially after being hit with a football. It turned out ok though. xo

yesterday

 I woke up

 walked to king street

and met another gianna at anthropologie.

xo

omens of what?

Finished up the last chapter of my synchronicity book last night (on death and dying), dreamed about a friend falling to her death from a balcony and upon waking I drew the death card form my tarot deck.

Transformations? Endings? New beginnings? Time will tell.... xx

hello

(just off haight)

Hillary told me that I have an ally just waiting for recognition. She encouraged me to think about my relationships with animals and look at pictures online to see if any grab me. We later decided it was definitely a feline African animal. As I turned my phone back on after the session, I was greeted by this image. Grrr. xo

a concept I like

Synchronicity is the experience of two or more events, that are apparently causally unrelated or unlikely to occur together by chance, that are observed to occur together in a meaningful manner.


The concept does not question, or compete with, the notion of causality. Instead, it maintains that just as events may be grouped by cause, they may also be grouped by their meaning. Since meaning is a complex mental construction, subject to conscious and unconscious influence, not every correlation in the grouping of events by meaning needs to have an explanation in terms of cause and effect.


So yesterday we met up with Elijah and some new friends with tails for an indulgent wanderfest through San Francisco. We hit up the bakery Tartine and headed to dolores park to share our treats (coconut tres leches cake YUM). Somehow a conversation got started about the rainbow gathering - Elijah and Scott had met there this summer and were turned off by what they described as the "undercurrent of desperation." Then I recalled an interesting guy that Elijah and I met at the string summit festival, he was part of the rainbow family and had impressed me with his kindness and wisdom, as well as sparking up a dialog about the gatherings. And then guess what happened!??  THAT VERY GUY walked by us in the park. Fini.


It's scenarios like this that confirm I've found my own undercurrent, even if it's just to dip my toes in. xo
     

ashes to ashes

Last night in a fit of cathartic impulse, I tore up and burned about 15 of my old journals.  These spanned the past 6 years, at least seven relationships, two heartbreaks, ten homes, nine jobs, two trips to Africa, countless haircuts, bloody marys and soy lattes and more than a thousand paper cranes.  I then went out for a few drinks, free music and pac man and when I came home, I added my most beautiful paper birds to the still smoldering volumes of the past.

Reading my free will horoscope today, I am validated.

This would be an excellent week to grieve madly and deeply about the old love affairs that shattered your heart. I've rarely seen a better astrological configuration than there is now for purging the residual anguish from those old romantic collapses. So I suggest you conduct a formal ritual that will provide total exorcism and bring you maximum catharsis. Maybe you could build a shrine containing the photos and objects that keep a part of you stuck in the past, and maybe you could find the bold words and innovative gestures that will bid goodbye to them forever. Do you have any intuitions about how to create a rousing healing ceremony? 

       
xx