many moons

since I last posted, and what of it?

Reading over my words here, I wonder at how far I've come.

I have my home on wheels, my nesting place, my anchor. I am making plans for the coming year, travel art and craft. Plans for mexico and black rock city and new corners of this big beautiful planet.

(Life expands forth)

And India? Can I be moving farther and closer at the same time?

This is the circular nature of things.

What a TRIP

xo

Dream

I am in line for an initiation ceremony where I will be buried alive for an unknown amount of time. I climb into the casket which is buried 6 feet below, but I do not want them to fill the hole with dirt, I am afraid of having a panic attack. I have recently been scuba diving and was rusty about using the air hose. So I am in the casket and it's dark and suffocating, I climb out to go pee and face some disapproving looks, like I am not truly committing to the process. I rationalize that I am making an okay decision, being completely buried just isn't safe. I convince myself that merely being in the closed casket in the dark is a good enough initiation. I sheepishly get back in and blow all the candles out to prove that I am committing, I am. 

Am I?

xo

Classic

I started smoking cigarettes a little bit when I was in India, mostly just as a social thing and for the novelty of an easy buzz. For once I wanted to join in the process, the sharing, the scrounging, the excuse for a breather. Plus, cigarettes are cheap and sexy. I decided to see what it was all about.

And then I came to Nepal where I began eyeing the death sticks from afar, waffling on if I should get a pack, guilt tripping myself into abstaining. Well I finally bought some and smoked two. The first one gave me a buzz and the second one made me downright queasy, dizzy and sick as a dog. And now I can't even look at the damn pack. Go figure. 

xo

Reiki

Led me to yet another energy healing modality called "the emotion code" which I am so stoked to try! When I think of all the fun trapped emotions that are lurking in my body just waiting patiently to be released... Oh boy, hours of fun :) All I need is a magnet and some trust in the process. 

Since I began reiki 2, my intention has been on shedding the layers. And now I have a tool with which to do so. Thank you universe. 

xo

Home thoughts

I am getting better at finding homes wherever I go. In fact, it is kind of incredible that though I have been traveling for half a year, I have stayed on only a few hotel rooms. I have had access to kitchens and rooftops and I have even been allowed to paint the walls. BUT... I have also had to share these spaces with some very dominating people. People who lock the fridge and hide the key, people who bust in my room at all hours of the night, people who have painfully shrill voices and quick tempers, people who tell me how to live my life.

The better I get at travel, the more I am craving a real home. I don't know if this means a tiny apartment in the city or a tipi in the forest, or even something on wheels. What I do know is that I want a space I can come home to. I want a space where I can cook what I want and sleep when I want fully inhabit. I want a place that I do not have to share. But where is that place? And how to I get to it? 

Time will tell. 

xo

Super moon

I have been away for exactly 6 months today, moonwise that is. So much has happened! Wow.

xo

Kathmandu

I have been getting a lot of validation from online sources these days, posting pics on tumblr and checking to see if anyone likes them. It is both motivation and a strange pressure for my picture taking process. 

My style is a bit sneakster, a covert operation. I like the honesty of a candid. As I walk around I see the world in frames, beautiful creased faces, bright colors, shapes and patterns and laughter in eyes. Sometimes my whole focus become pictures I am missing. It is an easy leap from there to self criticism, of my shyness, my introversion. Last week I began carrying this guilt around, as if the problem lay in my fear of asking.

So I made a challenge, to ask 10 people if I could take their picture. I had yet to ask this question in my 6 months of travel. So I went out with my mission, nervously, and noticed some really interesting things. Of the 4 adults I asked, 3 of them were behind something, like a metal gate or a glass window, as if I needed the illusion of separation to be comfortable. One person said no. All were shitty pictures. 

BUT, in the process of talking to one guy (a schoolteacher) I attracted bunch of kiddos which led into a ridiculous photo session of leaping shots and of laughing. The kids actually were the ones to ask me, but I count it anyways. It was exactly what I needed.

I realized that to get the kind of non-sneakster shot I love, I have to build a relationship with the person first. I need to be able to put them at ease so they are reacting not to the camera itself, but to the girl behind it. I can do this with kids and with friends. And with strangers if I am drunk. And that will have to do for now.

Simple pleasures

Of having a home.

xo

I am caught

In creative flow. I do not want to leave the house and face the busy streets and foreign stares. But I owe 10 rupees to the man who sells me cake. And it might be nice stretch my limbs. xo

Today

While attempting to savor my new book, I realized I have already read it and in fact already own it at home. Thankfully, it is a book worth savoring twice. xo

Today

I caught a genuine smile, bought a small book to savor, and found a clue towards Tibetan dream yoga: an author and title. xo

Triangles

I have been eating a lot of triangular food lately, mostly samosas and dosas.

xo

Also...

I believe in tipis!

xo

simple pleasures

Of morning snow on the island, making my own milk tea with ginger and warm Kashmiri bread, two pieces. xo

The hawks are making joyful glides

And I am back in Kashmir. It is a month later and much warmer, though still cold enough for poncho and fire pot. I am staying on the island with two of my most favorite people here, a Finnish snowball and a Kashmiri prince. I am having two long shirts fashioned by the tailor, and a new green poncho. There is a strike and a curfew and all business have been closed for a week. 

More importantly, I am becoming aware of this pattern Hillary spoke of. It is a computer virus of the brain which multiplies at the slightest attempt to shut it down and is the source of much frustration. It has to do with jealousy, desire, and men who call me darling. I have realized that no one can take it away for me, I must bin it myself. 

As wise Ali baba told me, this is all my space. How do I want to use it?

xo

Dear India

I have only known you a month, and it feels like much longer. I am growing to love your chaos and flow and most of all, your unpredictability. You have thrashed my plans, taken my money and given me gratitude and new friends. You are very beautiful, and very strong. Thank you from my heart.

Love, Gianna

The culture

Here in India, is to bath often and obviously. For me (private and self conscious) this is a good thing. xo

self portraits

From Jaipur and Varanasi.

xo

So as not to forget

I am traveling with semi-disgruntled folks, all in varying degrees of feeling ripped off and taken advantage of. I am getting the best deal of us all and have to constantly remind myself for what I am paying. Without this circumstance, I might be without friends, without locals to trust and dealing with a great many more daily hassles and frustrations. As Ali said, I am paying for time, time with these new people in my life and the full experience of being f***** by India loving it.

xo

Gosh

But this Rajasthan bit is hard. I hate the way we are traveling, I hate being stuck in a tourist track, I hate how much we are paying and I am so very thankful for this experience, the people I have met and all the gorgeous sights I have seen in the past week.

Every day we have spent traveling hours by car, stopping at cheesy overpriced tourist restaurants, forts and temples. The surly norwegian quizzes the driver on how much things cost, what grows where and how long is the drive in his sing song accent. We arrive to a town just as the sun is setting and leave first thing in the morning. I have been carving out space for myself when I can, declining tours and touristy bullshit in the hopes of letting the magic in.

It's funny though, even the magic is not what I imagined. 

xo