today

I collected some new things, took photos while driving and read a fluffy novel.

Today is also the fifth day of my unofficial cleanse.  I started with three days of green smoothies and I've been eating raw veggies and fruits for the past two.  At this point I remain conflicted about the process.  I like the clarity and sense of lightness.  I am uncomfortable with the inevitable allure of weight loss and sense of deprivation.  So far, this cleanse has been mild.  I'm gravitating towards sustainability and nourishment rather than the miracle quick-fix.  I yearn to flood my cells with green.  I'm bored of battling cheese.  I want forge on, but Rain comes back soon with his bloodies and banter.  And so will end the lull.  xo                

we are the ones we have been waiting for

A Short Anecdote of Serious Backfire
Before bed last night I turned up the heat to ease the morning transition from bed to world.  I awoke early a.m. to ice cold air, my door blown wide open and a small snowstorm in my bedroom.  The rest of the empty house was wastefully toasty.  

Now I am asking myself a well-worn question born of playa mud, double rainbows and giddy anticipation:  what does it MEAN?!

What a silly world.

xx

p.s. I still got up

ginger darling

The weather today is gloriously dismal.  Gloomy, sodden clouds drip from the sky, melting away the vestiges of last weeks white fluff.  Blustery gusts and old house creaks punctuate the passing minutes. Also, I have been sick with that kind of feverish delirium that comes on strong and lets me secretly revel in escape.  In the past 3 days I have: delved deep into the world of style blogs, contemplated poppy tattoos and downed vast quantities of green smoothies, carrot juice and ginger tea.  xxx

      

Merry Christmas

All things are of the substance of dreams... xo

round and round we go

I am developing a fascination with time.  Recent events lead me to ponder it's plasticity; what does it mean when a moment turns viscous as glue? I recall a deep sense of calm as we spun on the icy road.  Clear slices of collected observation linger: oncoming trucks, honking of horns, and perpetual stillness.  Something about existing in the instant....  xo      

Solstice Resolutions

I don't usually do resolutions, but seeing as I originally started this blog as a way to motivate myself toward goals, and hold myself accountable (and haven't done any posts at all on this topic!), now is as good a time as any to start.

A List (winter hopes and dreams)

1. ski ski ski....ski at every opportunity, ski aggressively, fall often and level up, for real.
2. in my (lucid) dreams: soar as a bird, seek advice from a.s. 
3. green smoothie cleanse
4. yoga several times a week
5. get back in the climbing gym with friends
6. new home sweet home
7. darkroom investigation
8. carry my camera and use it! always.  film, digital whatever.
9. 2 weeks of daily meditation
10. hang out with ladies
11. invite a boy
12. set up etsy shop
13. supplemental income (aka 2nd job)
14. send treasures to friends
15. exploration
16. project completion: journals, knit things, books. 
17. write an honor code
19. foster a kitty
18. set more goals (is this like wishing for more wishes?)  

Well that should be fodder for posts to come.  It's funny the things I feel guilt over these days.... I haven't been practicing lucid dreaming!  I didn't do a solstice meditation!  I've never been to sparks lake! Given my schedule I have no excuse to NOT be doing these things.  I suppose my ample free time is a double edged sword and has in some ways encouraged me to be self-indulgent and impulsively lazy with my days off - think extensive naps and too many morning mimosas.  My free will horoscope today encouraged me to practice willpower in the coming weeks; may this list be an exercise in seeing things through and increasing my power to serve myself..... fini.
xo

chuckle bucket

I made a child cry yesterday.  He took one look at me, threw his arms up in the air and began to scream hysterically.  Even his mother couldn't console him.  xx

old dirt, new soil

Inevitably the holiday season dredges up shit.  I am guilty of trying to skirt this mother-daughter sinkhole.  I had hoped to meander casually close to her muddy treasures, grow my own roots and bask in the uncaring sun.  xo        

this is it

Bottle of wine, impromptu costume parties and shake face: thus begins my winter. xx (!)

wishing serenity

for all the naughty frightened ones. xo

partly nocturnal

Working nights tends to turn my weekends into a time warp, encouraging moments to stretch out for eons and waking hours to mingle seamlessly with dreamtime.  This episode has thus far included: an addiction memoir, african dance music, voracious plant tendrils and at least one snowy walk towards a bloody mary.   xx

to those spiders I have failed

Yesterday I turned on the shower accidentally drenching a spider in the tub. Attempts to save his inconsequential life were met with defeat, and I found myself overflowing in tears.  xo    

I stand corrected

I discovered this wonderful wise monkey face a few weeks ago: a linoleum block print carved by one of my kiddos.  The significance?  I didn't think she had it in her.   xo