Tuesday, November 30, 2010

the liquid roller coaster

time swells and reaches
elusive, slippery to the touch
expanding beyond lifetimes.
a mountain
the quick breath
of a moment!

Sunday, November 28, 2010


I went for a walk in the snow.  I watered my plants.  I drank ginger tea.  I took a shower and a nap.  I devoured a bowl of arugula. These are the small victories of my life.  xx

Thursday, November 18, 2010

Sunday, November 14, 2010

some notes from within

Oct 9 - Nov 14

Despite my desire to avoid repeating old patterns and mistakes, 
I have done just that and can't afford to go any deeper.  
My heart is still fragile from the last love.  
I need space. 

 I am going through something these days and it deserves all my attention. 

I think he's radiant, and scattered.   
I want to be bathed in a beam of light.

Last night I was reminded that what you resist persists.
The brain chatter is slowing.

Testing the waters of limits and telling people what I need.
And have I mentioned the beautiful women from the temple burn?
Why dwell on the pain?

Funny things last night.
I love the unexpected ridiculousness.
He keeps thinking he has something to apologize for.

She said she saw my heart unfolding like a flower.

I get lost so quickly.
I wonder if we're all this lost in love?

Maybe I'm limiting myself by assuming she has nothing to offer me.

What do I believe?  
I believe it all, it's maddening. 
 And at the root of it, I believe in that which serves me.

I'm learning to become comfortable with larger and larger spiders.
What plane am I on and is there a name for it?

Big day of multi-pitch and hiking.
I am so grateful to have adventurous friends.

Hurt feelings,  It doesn't take much.
Sometimes I think I'm too much and I'll always be too much.
However, I am not interested in settling.

Perhaps I've just become more accepting of sadness.
The stakes have been raised and I wonder what true courage looks like.
Let the right action arise....

I'm finding myself drawn to a picture of a house, austere and mysterious.

Just because I can see the future doesn't mean I have to look.

Sometimes I can see
with my whole heart
each spicy and pungent layer
upon layer,
upon layer,
juicy with mystery.
and sometimes
all I can feel
is the pain prick
of onion juice in my eye

Pete said that people expect too much from me because I'm beautiful 
and that it's unfair.  
I felt kinda beautiful with my cat shield and sword last night.
Rain asked if it felt good to be with the bad boy.
It did.

Feeling a greater sense of distance, in a good way.
He is always with me though, it's absurd.

Never in a million years would I have guessed....
what an incredible character.
It's fun to play.

I approach most things in life with great caution, 
and a few with wild abandon.

What if all I have to do is orchestrate a moment?

I'm enjoying the freedom I feel from being scattered and sustained from all angles.

Time confounds me lately, it's so liquid.
 Also, I seem to be attracting sad people.
I crave to share the darkness.

Rain is another wonderful child who is so strong and such a fighter.
He is eloquent and intelligent and always one step ahead of himself.
I hope to be intentional about this.

Steve held me as I cried and laughed.
Then I lay alone and felt my heart unfurl.

Quiet at last.
Good girl.

Saturday, November 13, 2010

Reinventing the Wheel

I've been rediscovering my love of photography lately.  I'm relishing in the anticipation and sense of mystery that come from shooting film.  I'm loving the simplicity and inconsequence of using such a toy camera.  And most of all, I'm deeply content to capture moments of stillness.  xx

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

BIG flakes

Recently, I overheard the following wise equation:

"intention x discomfort = change."

Long wet chilly snowfall walks, please be the harbinger of change.  Thank you. xo

Sunday, November 7, 2010

distractions beyond distractions

So I caved and went on a date with someone so totally wrong for me.  I'm eagerly anticipating the next.  xx

Friday, November 5, 2010

Thursday, November 4, 2010

Tuesday, November 2, 2010