Dream

I am in line for an initiation ceremony where I will be buried alive for an unknown amount of time. I climb into the casket which is buried 6 feet below, but I do not want them to fill the hole with dirt, I am afraid of having a panic attack. I have recently been scuba diving and was rusty about using the air hose. So I am in the casket and it's dark and suffocating, I climb out to go pee and face some disapproving looks, like I am not truly committing to the process. I rationalize that I am making an okay decision, being completely buried just isn't safe. I convince myself that merely being in the closed casket in the dark is a good enough initiation. I sheepishly get back in and blow all the candles out to prove that I am committing, I am. 

Am I?

xo

perfection

in a snack.

Classic

I started smoking cigarettes a little bit when I was in India, mostly just as a social thing and for the novelty of an easy buzz. For once I wanted to join in the process, the sharing, the scrounging, the excuse for a breather. Plus, cigarettes are cheap and sexy. I decided to see what it was all about.

And then I came to Nepal where I began eyeing the death sticks from afar, waffling on if I should get a pack, guilt tripping myself into abstaining. Well I finally bought some and smoked two. The first one gave me a buzz and the second one made me downright queasy, dizzy and sick as a dog. And now I can't even look at the damn pack. Go figure. 

xo

31

Three years ago today, while camping with my parents I had my first lucid dream.

Two years ago I was vipassana meditating 10 hours a day and hadn't spoken in a week.

Last year I was acid tripping in a wicker dragon with a tiny fairy child, naked singing hallelujah with strangers dripping sauna sweat.

This year I am alone but not lonely across the globe in Nepal. 

Summer birthdays are the best.

xo

Reiki

Led me to yet another energy healing modality called "the emotion code" which I am so stoked to try! When I think of all the fun trapped emotions that are lurking in my body just waiting patiently to be released... Oh boy, hours of fun :) All I need is a magnet and some trust in the process. 

Since I began reiki 2, my intention has been on shedding the layers. And now I have a tool with which to do so. Thank you universe. 

xo

Home thoughts

I am getting better at finding homes wherever I go. In fact, it is kind of incredible that though I have been traveling for half a year, I have stayed on only a few hotel rooms. I have had access to kitchens and rooftops and I have even been allowed to paint the walls. BUT... I have also had to share these spaces with some very dominating people. People who lock the fridge and hide the key, people who bust in my room at all hours of the night, people who have painfully shrill voices and quick tempers, people who tell me how to live my life.

The better I get at travel, the more I am craving a real home. I don't know if this means a tiny apartment in the city or a tipi in the forest, or even something on wheels. What I do know is that I want a space I can come home to. I want a space where I can cook what I want and sleep when I want fully inhabit. I want a place that I do not have to share. But where is that place? And how to I get to it? 

Time will tell. 

xo

Super moon

I have been away for exactly 6 months today, moonwise that is. So much has happened! Wow.

xo